What do I want?

I want:

to change the world for the better.
to see things yet unseen.
to know that which is currently unknown.
to teach others what I know. Everything I know.
to inspire cooperation.
to give the world meaning so we don't squander our precious lives.
to see the beauty in the ugliest of things.
to harm as little as possible.
to probe as much as necessary.
to abandon my fears.
to inspire creation.
to promote diversity of thought.

to feel all there is to be felt,
all the pain,
the sorrow,
the anxiety,
the anticipation,
the orgasmic pleasure,
the sickness,
the joy,
the awe,
the hunger,
the strife
because it is only through exploring our reactions to these that we truly learn about ourselves.

I want to find out what it is inside of me that holds me back, that keeps me from doing these things with infinite passion. What is it inside of me that keeps me from being the person I long so much to be? Do I lack the will or the power? Am I under the hand of a higher authority? Am I my highest authority? Can I change the world around me? Can I change me? Can I do it before time runs out?

Please help me understand.
Help me.
Help.
.
.
.

I want to understand me.