Many Times

I find myself missing you.

Sometimes

I feel so very small.

There will always be a kid inside of me.
That kid that was smaller than everyone else.
Weaker than everyone else.
The one they all made fun of.
The one who cried himself to sleep some nights.

I love him
and I hate him.

I still feel just as small in the right situations.
Sometimes I want to call out for help.
But I can't.

People Today

go looking for the gold at the end of the rainbow.
But they never stop and realize:
"Holy s@%^... I've been walking on a rainbow.."

http://www.neticons.net/music_life/

Elitism and Racism

My friends are mostly of some Mexican decent.
I am Mexican.
Is this racism?
Actually this is probably a result of the fact that the majority of people where I live ARE Mexican.

However, I was just thinking about how a Caucasian friend of mine says she feels uncomfortable hanging with my group of friends and blames it on her lack of social skills, which seems entirely plausible (no offense =3). But I wonder is race somehow involved on some deep hidden subconscious level?

I know for a fact people are more inclined to form circles of friendship with people of similar cultural background. I don't think that this fact devalues anything any group has to contribute to society.

But looking at this I can't help but wonder just how deep our racial-biases run. Is it merely because people have common interests and experiences being of the same culture that they tend to 'flock together'? I wonder to myself if this subconscious and almost natural phenomenon would constitute as 'racist'.

I recently read something Morgan Freeman said in an interview. To paraphrase: Why have a black history month? Is there a white history month? Black history is American history. The best way to stop racism is to stop talking about it. I'm not a black man, I'm just human.

But I can't think of any social issue that was handled by "not talking about it."
Maybe it's meant to be more of a mindset.
Racism cannot be conquered consciously until it is conquered unconsciously.

We've got a lot of work to do when it comes to raising our kids...

The Spoon

"Some days I think I need nothing
more in life than a spoon.
With a spoon I can eat oatmeal
Or take the medicine doctors prescribe
I can swat a fly sleeping on the sill
or pound the table to get attention.
I can point accusingly at God
or stab the empty air repeatedly.
Looking into the spoon’s mirror,
I can study my face in its shiny bowl,
or cover one eye to make half the world
disappear. With a spoon
I can dig a tunnel to freedom
spoonful by spoonful of dirt,
or waste life catching moonlight
and flinging it into the blackest night."

-- Richard Jones

Zack Attack

List of zombie movies I've recently accumulated in my recent zombie-kraZe:

Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Dawn of the Dead (1978)
Evil Dead (1982)
Day of the Dead (1985)
Re-Animator (1985)
Evil Dead 2 (1987)
Night of the Living Dead (1990)
Braindead (aka Dead Alive) (1992)
Army of Darkness (1992)
Cemetery Man (1994)
Bio-Zombie (1998)
28 Days Later (2002)
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Land of the Dead (2005)
28 Weeks Later (2007)
Diary of the Dead (2007)
Day of the Dead (2008)
Quarantine (2008)


I've yet to watch the Evil Dead trilogy, but the rest are good to excellent.



and on a far tangent, a gal commented on my candy saying it made her feel like a cat staring at a toy she wanted to play with.
made my day hahah.

First Day Impressions

First day of spring semester started today at PCC. Pretty standard as far as first days go. Logic seems interesting and highly practical, even if Prof. Ricards seemed a bit.. nervous? haha he seems like a nice fellow. However, I am very much NOT looking forward to my Poli-Sci class..

Prof. Williams seemed a bit unfocused in my opinion. Also a bit mean and impolite. While normally I admire directness and frankness, she lacked any clever base or explanation of her reasoning behind it. Then again, as I recall, I may have had the same impression of Prof. Schwyzer, who I've now come to admire greatly. But something about her just horribly put me off, actually effecting my mood for a short time.

Hopefully she was just attempting to 'scare some kids away' the first day. Weed out the weak, so to speak. Hopefully. Also she seemed antagonized by the common view that Poli-Sci is one of those classes students have to take.

Gah! and she actually says "mkaay." I THOUGHT TEACHERS ONLY DID THAT IN HELL AND SOUTH PARK!!

She described one of our texts, "Writing in Political Science," and it seemed to me like a useless endeavor. I'm in that class to learn Political Science. I've more than passed English.

I don't understand why teachers keep trying to regress and teach their failing students English in other subjects. It's college. If you can't communicate up to standards then you shouldn't be there. The only exception to this would of course be ESL students, but in my experience they usually have better writing skills than most America-born students. All praise to American education system. -_-

The Witch..

Don't disturb her.

Z

Inspired, entertaining, imaginative, and thought-provoking. I kid you not. I commend anyone able to be equivalently in-depth on any subject but in this particular case, I think Max deserves a bit extra praise. It delves into the collective human psyche in one of the most creative ways one can imagine.

Epic read.

Insp. Inc.

Oddly enough, I find some of my most intellectually inspired days to be days AFTER I've smoked.
But for now I'm content with melting into a state of calm.

P.S.
I LOVE CONAN

On Obama and Young Voter Turnout

Today, my professor made the claim that Barack Obama was the first U.S. president to successfully get young voters to turnout in record numbers.

I think this statement isn't entirely accurate. In my opinion it was Bush who caused young people to get interested in politics, by allowing a target for all the angst felt across America. Obama was merely the candidate most easily capable of taking advantage of this.

To use metaphor, Bush dropped the ball and Obama was the one most capable of picking it up and running with it simply because he was the youngest, "hip"-est Democratic party candidate.

I tend to credit his success to his age. Obama was the youngest candidate of the two major-news-network-covered parties (and now is the 5th youngest president in U.S. history) and therefor was the easiest candidate for young people to identify with and place their hopes with.

Who knows, maybe I'm just being biased and only capable of seeing the politicians with the monetary resources to run within the two major parties as opportunists, scoundrels, and silver-tongued-"artists of the possible."



The greatest dreams that came into being were dreams that were at one time impossible.

Yes, there's a woman attached to that

Since puberty I've amassed a collection of erotically stimulating images. I believe this to be a fairly common thing for young men to do.

Well this morning, inspired by my Women in American Society class taught by the magnificently brilliant Prof. Hugo Schwyzer, I went through these images and asked myself this question: In my fantasies of these women, am I stimulated by their body parts or the woman herself? I then rid myself of those images that caused me to mentally detach the body from the woman.

Do I still on occasion catch myself objectifying women? Yes. But I've taken steps to better myself as a man.

You can't get anywhere without taking the first step.


(much thanks to Ms. Dita Von Teese and unknown photographer for added stimulation)

Faith

is for the blind.

I have eyes that can see, hands that can bleed.
Everything I need is a part of me.
Eyes that can see, hands that can bleed.
Everything I need is a part of me.
Eyes that can see, hands that can bleed.
Everything I need is a part of me.
Everything I need is a part of me.

Reca(o)llection

Yesterday, Franco and Timmy (old friends from Bosco) passed me by in the PCC parking lot. We all went up to this spot up by the San Gabriel mountains and smoked. I missed those guys. Glad they seem to be doing well.

I wonder how a lot of people from high school are doing from time to time. There were a lot of good people in my class. That whole 'brotherhood' philosophy of the school seemed to have translate well enough I suppose, in looking back.. but I think it was actually the horrid-ness of the admin, certain faculty, and the general, whether direct or indirect, mistreatment of the students that brought us all together.

That and being in the same classes for upwards of four years together.
Spend enough time with someone and you're pretty much siblings whether you like it or not.


This talk makes me ponder a teacher career yet again.. /shrug
"That's such a stupid question, in my opinion. I mean how do you know what you're going to do till you do it? The answer is, you don't ... I swear it's a stupid question." --Catcher in the Rye

Syaoran Li

I recall pretending to be this person when I was 11.


Currently watching: Cardcaptor Sakura