The previous entry has inspired me

"Madness, my love"
by Joshua Cabrera

Awash a hex of spring entwined
with suffering and pestilence contrived

Eat drink fuck partake in revelry
A mass of unintended consequence
covered in a glaze of gallantry

Curses wrought and harsher words ne'er spoken
Eat drink sleep your soul e'er broken

Nerrol, the twins whose tongues bite hard
draw blood and wonder if your selflessness has damned you
Errol: this lake runs red, goodness destroyed d'Alucard

A being of no sex conceived but not nurtured
is a rock, a buzzard's post, existing but not learned


This is the memorandum we give to goodness
With this we raise our prayers
to our new God

We name him We, for we are he.
And he is very wrathful, indeed.

"Drowning Swimmer's Dream"

Unknown source:



Who art thou?, asked the guardian of the night.

From crystal purity I come, was my reply,
And great my thirst, Persephone.

Yet heeding thy decree, I take to flight,
And turn, and turn again, forever right.

I spurn the pallid cypress tree,
Seek no refreshment at its sylvan spring,

But hasten on towards the rustling river-
Of Namozine, wherein I drink to sweet satiety.

And there, dipping my palms between
The knots and loopings of its mazy stream,

I see again, as in a drowning swimmer's dream,
All the strange sights I ever saw,

And even stranger sights no man has ever seen.

What do I want?

I want:

to change the world for the better.
to see things yet unseen.
to know that which is currently unknown.
to teach others what I know. Everything I know.
to inspire cooperation.
to give the world meaning so we don't squander our precious lives.
to see the beauty in the ugliest of things.
to harm as little as possible.
to probe as much as necessary.
to abandon my fears.
to inspire creation.
to promote diversity of thought.

to feel all there is to be felt,
all the pain,
the sorrow,
the anxiety,
the anticipation,
the orgasmic pleasure,
the sickness,
the joy,
the awe,
the hunger,
the strife
because it is only through exploring our reactions to these that we truly learn about ourselves.

I want to find out what it is inside of me that holds me back, that keeps me from doing these things with infinite passion. What is it inside of me that keeps me from being the person I long so much to be? Do I lack the will or the power? Am I under the hand of a higher authority? Am I my highest authority? Can I change the world around me? Can I change me? Can I do it before time runs out?

Please help me understand.
Help me.
Help.
.
.
.

I want to understand me.